


Calm

by madamelibrarian, Mrs_SimonTam_PHD



Series: Loving Heart [33]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coping, Fluff, Inappropriate sex dreams, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 11:45:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10359684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamelibrarian/pseuds/madamelibrarian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD/pseuds/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD
Summary: Lucifer whined, fussing between his mates as he burrowed his head into Sam’s neck.Sam unconsciously tightened his hold on Lucifer and let out a long breath but didn’t wake. Gabriel continued to snore softly behind his brother, unaware of anything being out of the ordinary.





	

Lucifer whined, fussing between his mates as he burrowed his head into Sam’s neck. 

Sam unconsciously tightened his hold on Lucifer and let out a long breath but didn’t wake. Gabriel continued to snore softly behind his brother, unaware of anything being out of the ordinary. 

Lucifer whimpered and clung to his mate and he bit his lip, trying to find a way to calm down before Sam or Gabriel woke up and started asking questions. 

Sam inhaled sharply when he felt trembling beside him. Bleary eyed, he looked around until his eyes landed on Lucifer curled up tight beside him. “Heylel?” he whispered as he stroked a hand over his shoulder. “Baby, you okay?”

Lucifer whimpered and shook his head. “No.” he confessed in a soft voice. 

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked as he turned and wrapped them both tightly in the blankets. 

“Dunno.” Lucifer whined, nosing Sam’s neck as he trembled. 

“Okay.” Sam took his hand and placed it over his heart, taking slow controlled breaths. “It’s okay not to know, just breath with me for right now. Think about my heartbeat so your mind doesn’t wander.”

Lucifer nodded and nosed his neck even more, feeling Sam’s pulse underneath his skin and he began to breathe in slow, deep breaths, focusing on stopping the trembling in his limbs as he whimpered. 

“It’s okay, Heylel. I’m here and so is Gabriel.” Sam whispered to him. “You’re safe and sound in our nest.”

Lucifer nodded and felt his heart rate slow down the longer he listened to Sam’s heartbeat underneath his pulse, closing his eyes. 

Several minutes passed with them lying together, not speaking until Sam felt Lucifer’s tremors taper off. He pressed a soft kiss to his mate's forehead. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah,” Lucifer whispered, raising his head to look up at Sam. 

“Good.” Sam said with a soft smile. “Do you want to try and get more sleep or should we get up?”

“Try to sleep.” Lucifer whispered. 

Sam settled into the pillow with a sigh as he squeezed Lucifer close. “Sleep sounds good. Dean wants to leave at first light for Wyoming.”

Lucifer whined and he held onto Sam. 

“I know, baby. I know you don’t want me to go but we have to.” Sam whispered. “You and Gabe can get up to whatever it is you two do while I’m gone. Maybe you can take Cas to Heaven and visit your family.”

Lucifer sniffled and nodded. 

Sam turned over on his side so he can face Lucifer. “Do you want to stay up to spend some time together before I go?”

Lucifer shook his head and cuddled into Sam, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths, a wing wrapping around them carefully. 

Sam ducked his head under Lucifer’s wing and kissed him softly. “I love you, Heylel.” 

“I love you too, Sam,” Lucifer whispered, giving a small smile at the kiss. He felt himself get calmer and he gave a content sigh as he cuddled into Sam more. 

In the stillness that followed, Gabriel twitched in his sleep and rolled over into Lucifer’s back, mumbling. “Not tonight….can’t fit another popsicle in the back door.”

Lucifer giggled into Sam’s shoulder. Already, he seemed calmer, happier even and there was a peacefulness in his movements.  

Sam snickered and sat up to whisper to Gabriel over Lucifer’s shoulder. “Please, Gabe. Just one more.”

Lucifer giggled more into Sam’s shoulder, cuddly and affectionate. 

Gabriel huffed and rolled to his back. “Dean...no.”

Lucifer rolled over and whispered in Gabriel’s ear. “But Gabe. . .  _ pie. _ ”

Gabriel woke with a snort and blinked up at the ceiling before shifting his hips as if he was checking for anything amiss. 

“Good dreams, Gabriel?” Sam asked with a raised eyebrow, not missing the fact that he’d just said Dean’s name. 

Turning his head, Gabriel looked confused at Lucifer and Sam. “What are you two doing up?”

“Woke up.” Lucifer said simply, cuddling into Gabriel. 

“Well go back to sleep.” Gabriel grumped as he pulled Lucifer closer. 

“Gonna tell us how many popsicles you fit in the back door?” Sam asked as he propped up on his elbow with a grin. 

“Too many. Now go to sleep.” Gabriel mumbled as he buried his face into the pillow. 

Lucifer giggled and cuddled into Gabriel. That feeling of serenity and peace and feeling loved was growing. 

Sam poked Gabriel in the side playfully. “So Dean got quite a few in there, huh?” 

Gabriel lifted the blanket over his head and started muttering in Enochian. Colorful phrases that even Lucifer hadn’t heard in eons. 

“Language!” Lucifer gasped. “Gabriel, you can’t possibly say that about Sam!” 

“What did he say?” Sam wasn’t exactly sure he wanted to know but curiosity was a weakness of his. 

Gabriel sighed and rolled onto his back. “Fine. I had a weirdo sex dream about Dean. It was bizarre, wrong and I’m a little weirded out by it. So can we drop it?”

Lucifer nodded. “Trust me, Sam, you  _ don’t  _ want to know. Gabe, you haven’t uttered language that vile since the time Michael used your halo for ring toss and it ended up in one of Father’s earliest volcanos.” 

“Because right now I’m feeling just as irritated.” Gabriel rolled over with his back to Lucifer. “Stupid dreams.”

Lucifer cuddled Gabriel and kissed his cheek. “Love you.” he whispered. 

Gabriel sighed and pulled Lucifer’s hand to his chest, cuddling it like a teddy. “I love you too.”

“I love you too, Gabriel. Even if you’re dreaming about my brother.” Sam couldn’t help but tease Gabriel slightly. 

“I love you too, ya great giant dork. Now go to fucking sleep. You have to leave in three hours.” Gabriel muttered as he wiggled down into the covers. 

Lucifer giggled and cuddled into his mates happily, closing his eyes in pure bliss. 

Lucifer woke up before his mates. Slowly extracting himself from the puppy pile, he padded his way to the kitchen to start up the coffee and to pack Sam and Dean some snacks until they felt like pulling over for actual food. 

Sam padded into the kitchen with his hair wild from sleep. Coming up behind Lucifer, he wound his arms around his waist and rested his cheek on his mate’s shoulder. “Morning.” 

“Mm, good morning,” Lucifer purred, turning around and kissed Sam’s cheek. 

Sam rubbed the sleep from his eyes with a slight groan. “How are you feeling this morning?”

“Okay.” Lucifer murmured. “How about you?” 

“Tired and no time for my run to wake me up.” Sam stepped out of Lucifer’s hold and poured himself a cup of coffee. “But I’ll be fine with a little caffeine.”

“That’s good,” Lucifer hummed happily. 

Sam brought his coffee to the table where Lucifer was working and sat down beside him. Slowly sipping his coffee, Sam watched him work with a fond smile. “I noticed something interesting last night.”

“What?” Lucifer asked, looking over at Sam as he sliced cucumber slices for Sam.

“You were about to have a panic attack but then you didn’t.” Sam said over the lip of his mug. 

Lucifer blinked. “What?” He asked, unsure if he heard right. 

“You woke me up, trembling. So I just put your hand on my chest and had you breath with me and within...like five minutes you were better.” Sam said as he set his mug to the side. “I bring it up because I’m happy for you, Heylel.”

Lucifer sat down and set the knife off to the side, unable to believe it. He actually. . . had managed to not have a panic attack? He couldn’t believe it. “Really?” he whispered. 

“Yes, Really.” Sam took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You didn’t know why you were upset. It may have been a bad dream. I don’t know. But the important thing was you didn’t go deep into it and were laughing about Gabriel’s popsicle dream before going back to sleep.”

Lucifer squeezed Sam’s hand back and thought about the night before. He remembered waking up, feeling the tightness in his chest and cold seeping into his bones and feeling alone. Then Sam’s voice, Sam’s touch, Sam’s  _ heartbeat  _ was there, reminding him everything was alright, everything was okay. . . and then Gabriel started sleep talking. “I remember waking up, feeling like something was tight in my chest, that dreadful feeling of being cold and alone.” he said quietly. “And then I felt you touching me, could hear and feel your heartbeat, hear you talking to me. I just.. . concentrated on that. Concentrated on the iambic pentameter of your heart and the cadence of your speech and then. . . I felt fine. Like there was no reason for me to be upset.” He looked at Sam, unsure of what had happened exactly. “Is that. . . normal?” 

Sam smiled and tugged on Lucifer’s hand to pull him closer. “Perfectly normal.”

Lucifer smiled in return. “That means. . . . I’m getting better, right?” he said. 

“I think so. At least it’s a step in the right direction. You just have to remember how to do it every time, even when I’m not there.”

“I don’t even know how I did it, though.” Lucifer sounded sad, like he couldn’t fathom how this had happened, and in a way, he couldn’t. He’d never thought he’d make it this far with his anxiety, of being able to find something and grounding himself without Sam or Gabriel’s help. 

“Close your eyes, Baby.” Sam slid his chair closer and placed Lucifer’s hand on his chest like he’d done the night before. 

Lucifer did as he was told, feeling Sam’s heartbeat under his palm, giving a quiet sigh of contentment.

“If you’re alone, I want you to remember this. The feeling of my heart beneath your hand. How warm my skin is. The sound of my voice.” Sam explained quietly. “Remember the feeling of Gabriel’s grace touching yours. How good all of these things make you feel.”

“What if I can’t remember?” Lucifer whispered. 

“Then you can call me or Gabriel.” Sam leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “Or come find us.”

Lucifer nodded and ran his nose along Sam’s cheek. “Okay.” He whispered softly. 

“Actually I have an idea. Come with me.” Sam stood from his chair and grabbed his coffee cup, walking down the hallways until they enter their bedroom.  

Lucifer stood up and followed Sam, curious as to what his mate had in mind.

Releasing Lucifer’s hand, Sam picked up his brush and combed his hair neat and then began to braid a small section. When he finished, he used a couple of hair ties that Gabriel kept around for his own hair and tied off the braid. Then he picked up a pair of scissors and went to cut the small braid off. 

“Sam-” Lucifer’s hand reached out and gently touched Sam’s wrist, eyes wide. “I-I-I-I can’t. That’s so dangerous.” This was powerful magic that Sam was giving Lucifer, powerful magic that if Lucifer somehow manages to lose it, and it ends up in the wrong hands, could spell disaster. The hand that touched his wrist began to tremble.

“I know.” Sam covered Lucifer’s hand with his own. “But I want you to have a piece of me for when I can’t be really here with you. Maybe if you have this you won’t forget me.”

Lucifer’s hand found it’s way to Sam’s heart, recognizing the symptoms of feeling shaky and upset. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the rhythm of Sam’s heartbeat, the way he spoke, the way Gabriel groomed his feathers and he felt himself relax. “It’s not that I would forget you. It’s that I’d forget to do this,” he whispered finally, voice shaky but no longer trembling. “You can do it if you’re absolutely sure.”

“I’m sure but I want to do it if it’ll help you. Give you a physical reminder of stopping to take a moment to find this peace.”  Sam whispered. 

Lucifer nodded and pressed into Sam. “Okay.” 

Sam lifted his hands and in a few quick movements, he held his braid between his fingers and pressed it into Lucifer’s palm. “Seems only fair since you already have a piece of my heart, don’t you think?” he says with a small smile. 

Lucifer’s hand curled around Sam’s hair in his palm and he nodded. “But I can’t return the hair giving ritual,” he murmured. His hair was simply too short for it and he scuffed his toes against the carpet. 

Sam tucked a finger under Lucifer’s chin, lifting his face towards his own. “You’ve given me plenty. Now kiss me and promise to take care of yourself and Gabriel while I’m gone.”

Lucifer nodded and leaned in to give Sam a gentle kiss before pulling him into a giant hug, burying his face into his shoulder. 

“I’m gonna miss you.” Sam whispered as he circled his arms around Lucifer. 

“Gonna miss you too. Don’t want you to go.” Lucifer mumbled into his mate’s shoulder. 

Sam cupped the back of his head. “I know, but it’ll only be a couple of weeks at the most.” 

“Two weeks of not hogging the covers. Sounds like heaven to me.” Gabriel teased from the nest while he stretched the sleep from his arms. 

Lucifer coughed a laugh at his brother into Sam’s shoulder, nuzzling into Sam. 

“Some days I wonder if you still like me.” Sam teased right back to Gabriel. 

The younger angel slipped out of the bed and wrapped himself around Sam. “I love you, Samshine. If I didn’t I wouldn’t bother to pick on you. Just ask Luci’.”

Lucifer smiled and nodded in agreement with his other mate. “Yeah.” He admitted. He reluctantly drew back from Sam’s embrace and looked at him in the eyes. “You be safe, you hear?” he whispered. 

“Yeah, you only get so many ‘get out of afterlife free’ cards these days.” Gabriel said as he drew back to look up at Sam as well. 

“I promise to be careful. No more werewolves getting the drop on me.” Sam kissed each of them in turn. “I gotta get dressed and go before Dean freaks that I’m not ready.”

Lucifer kissed Sam back and released his hold, clutching Sam’s hair tight to him. 

Gabriel put his arm around Lucifer’s waist and jiggled it to get his attention. “Hey, let’s give the man his space to do hunter stuff. You and I can do angel stuff.”

Lucifer squeaked and nodded. “Okay,” he said softly. 

Leading him from the bedroom, Gabriel leaned in and whispered to Lucifer, knowing that his brother worried when Sam and Dean went on hunts. “They’ll be fine.”

“I know,” Lucifer whispered back, leaning into his brother. 

A half hour later than Dean had originally planned, they were packed and loading into the car with three Angels watching them go. With final goodbyes said, Sam clapped his brother on the shoulder with a sly grin at Gabriel as they walk away. Just loud enough to be heard, Sam asked Dean. “Hey man, want to stop for popsicles at the first rest stop? I have this crazy craving for them this morning.”

“Sure, I could go for one or two.” Dean said as he got behind the wheel of the Impala, unaware of the violent shade of crimson that Gabriel was turning. 

Lucifer cackled hysterically, grinning from ear to ear. “Why popsicles, Gabe?” he wondered as they watched the Impala drive out of sight. 

Castiel turned a curious look to his brothers. “Is there something I’m missing?”

“I don’t know.” Gabriel cast a sidelong glance at Castiel and started to step out of Lucifer’s hold on him. “But I do know that I’m going to go do something..something...elsewhere. A very important something.”

Lucifer tugged Gabriel closer to him and kissed him. “Can I tell you something important before you go off doing your important thing?” he asked. “Alone?” 

Gabriel nodded as Castiel gave up on trying to understand the enigma of his brother’s inside jokes, flying off to take care of a few errands of his own. 

Lucifer looked at Gabriel and took a deep breath. “Last night, I almost had a panic attack. But, with only a little bit of help, I. . . I managed to not have one.” He confessed. “And I was able to do it again, this morning.” 

Stopping for a moment, Gabriel looked his brother over then smiled. “That’s great. I mean that you were able to stop not that you were having an attack to begin with. I’m proud of you, Heylel.”

Lucifer smiled and ducked his head shyly. “I’ve still got a long ways to go, I’m terrified about if I have one and I’m alone,” he admitted. 

“You can do it. I know you can. But I’ll always be there if you need help.” Gabriel said and kissed his brother on the cheek. “In the meantime, I’m going to make us breakfast. Want to come help and tell me how you did it?”

“Sure.” Lucifer said with a smile, tucking Sam’s braid into a place where he could access it if need be. He followed his brother, calm and relaxed and ready for the next big challenge. 

**Author's Note:**

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> 
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